Pause. Breathe. Hope. Heal.
Dear Reader! To make life easier for you, I wanted to give you this information in a couple different formats. You can either read this blog post, or click the link below to download the podcast and listen to the episode on the go.
Relationships become a lot easier when we understand the difference between a request, an expectation, and a boundary. These three things can sound similar, but they communicate very different messages.
A request is an invitation. It’s something you would like another person to do, while leaving them free to say yes or no.
For example: “Would you be able to call me when you’re running late?”
A request creates space for communication and choice. The other person may agree, suggest an alternative, or say no. A healthy request doesn’t assume entitlement to someone else’s time or behaviour.
An expectation is different. An expectation is something we believe should happen, often based on our assumptions, values, or past experiences.
For example: “If you care about me, you should know when I’m upset.”
The challenge with expectations is that they can remain unspoken. We may feel disappointed or resentful when someone fails to meet an expectation they didn’t even know existed.
A boundary, meanwhile, is about what we will do to take care of ourselves.
For example: “If someone repeatedly speaks to me disrespectfully, I will end the conversation and revisit it when we can speak calmly.”
Notice the difference: a boundary isn’t an attempt to control someone else. It defines what we are willing to participate in and what action we will take when our limits are crossed.
A simple way to remember the difference is:
Requests say: “Would you be willing to do this?”
Expectations say: “I believe you should do this.”
Boundaries say: “This is what I will do to look after myself.”
Learning to distinguish between the three can transform our communication. Instead of silently expecting people to meet needs they may not understand, we can make clear requests. Instead of trying to control someone’s behaviour, we can identify our boundaries.
And sometimes, the healthiest conversation begins with asking ourselves, “Am I asking for something, expecting something, or communicating a boundary?”
That small distinction can make a surprisingly big difference.
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As you finish reading this post, remember to take a moment to pause, breathe, hope, and heal.
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